We need to draw a distance. Do not allow yourself to cross the line and step in their sensitive area. Maintaining distance will only keep you away from getting more hurt and saving yourself from getting stressed over things beyond our control. Hating you is a choice your in laws have made and it has nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for their behavior unless and until you try to impose yourself on them. Remember, you can only change yourself and alter your attitude.
You can never make a space of your own in your in laws heart if you stress on imposing your idea of happiness. They will never buy it.
Be assertive. In laws could be manipulative, they might say harsh things on your face and deny it in front of others. Such situations are very harmful to any relation, and by doing this, they increase the distance even more. Be firm on your decisions and your thought process, if you know that you are right and you do not deserve such hatred then stand for yourself even when you have to stand alone. Stop pleasing.
It reminds me of the unsolicited advice I received from one of my family members. I saw her with surprise but could not say a word at that time. In my whole duration of the marriage, all I could do was to mend things, make her happy, please her, appreciate her, gift her pieces of stuff but I could never pamper her ego because my self-respect did not allow me to do so.
I realized it was all waste because what that lady had advised me was true. This is what I call social conditioning, and I never wanted to be a part of it, because if I would have done that I would have lost myself in the process.
Part of lie, not life. You need to understand this. Your in laws are a part of your life and not your life. Your life is what you make it. How you turn into a better version despite all the background noise you hear daily. Every family member is important as a part of a family, but when the in laws do not understand the importance of one person as a family member, you need to draw a line and cut on toxicity right there.
It will only start bothering you from inside, and eventually, it will lead to episodes of irritable behavior with your spouse and children. In this whole process of pleasing you in laws, getting hurt with their hateful words, and tired of being a victim. You forget to breathe, pause, and reflect. You need to find a way out, a path to yourself.
I have seen many women who accept such a condition as their fate, and many women just suffer in silence. I am not asking you to make noise but at least do not lose your inner-self. Keep yourself alive from within. They might blow through boundaries. Your in-laws might meddle in your marriage. You might even be having a hard time living with your in-laws.
The truth is, you may never like your in-laws. Even though you formed a new family when you were married, your in-laws are the reason you have your spouse and a new family to begin with. If nothing else, try to respect them for giving you your spouse. Maybe your mother-in-law is mega passive-aggressive and a little odd, and your father-in-law is just kind of a jerk all the time.
TRY keyword here to look past their glaring flaws and put yourself in their shoes. And, maybe your father-in-law is a little unhappy with himself or unfulfilled in his life. It just means you take a different approach to understand their motives and actions. Be vulnerable and open with your spouse every chance you get.
Be sensitive. Not to mention, it can cause some major and unnecessary confusion between the two of you. How to Deal: Quite simply, you and your partner need to unite as a couple. Unfortunately, you can't control what your in-laws say. But, you can control how you react to those things. Take everything they spew at you with a grain of salt, and then have a frank conversation with your significant other about the seeds they planted in your head.
And, most importantly, avoid flying off the handle until you hear what your partner has to say. There are those in-laws that are a little too pushy and involved — but in a somewhat loving and endearing way. That can undoubtedly be a little annoying, but it's not detrimental. However, if your in-laws are involving themselves in your decisions as if their opinions should carry just as much weight as yours, then you have a problem.
Whether you're discussing which home to purchase or when you should start having children, your in-laws contribute their two cents as if it should be the deciding vote in your decision-making process. How to Deal: You have a few options in this case. If you want to take the more direct route, you and your partner should explain to your in-laws that, while you value their thoughts and opinions, this is a decision you feel just the two of you need to make.
Or, if you want to try to maintain some peace, simply nod your head and smile while they share their view on the matter — and then make your own decisions anyway. Your in-laws just might not like you. And, unfortunately, just because they're adults doesn't necessarily mean they'll be grown-up about it. Instead, they'll say and do things to hurt you and intentionally get under your skin. They love each other very much, but relationships with their in-laws have always been strained.
Heather feels Steve's mother is overly critical of how Heather parents the children. She also gets upset over her mother-in-law's statements about how Steve works much too hard; she sees them as attacks on her choice to be a stay-at-home mom. Steve has great difficulty connecting with his father in-law, who seems to live for sports. When Steve and Heather visit his in-laws, Steve is especially disturbed to see Heather share her father's sports mania — leaving Steve feeling like an outsider.
It's normal to want to be accepted by your in-laws. But feeling that you need to be accepted can bring complications, causing you to be uncomfortable and unnatural around them.
Unrealistic hopes cause problems, too. Many parents are initially over-protective of their own child, or have expectations that no spouse can meet in the beginning. Often, new husbands and wives assume they'll be loved and accepted by in-laws on the merit of having married the in-laws' child.
This may be the case, but it usually takes time to establish trust and respect. Just as it takes time to build other close relationships, gaining acceptance into a family doesn't happen instantly. After all, you're stepping into a family with a long history of established bonds. Don't be too hard on yourself and expect too much.
If your relationship with your own parents is wonderful, the one with your mother- and father-in-law may never measure up. If your relationship with your parents isn't good, you may be too needy and demanding in trying to make up for it. The number-one factor in resolving problems of acceptance by in-laws is your spouse's support.
As with all close relationships, it's an art to support your spouse without jumping into the fight or feeding his or her discontent.
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