These may be comments about the way you dress, how you talk, or your intelligence. Any comments that make you feel inferior or ashamed are often intentional by the abuser. When a spouse resorts to yelling without much provocation, you may be understandably worried that anything you say will set them off. If you feel like you're walking on eggshells and have to censor what you say around them, it's not a good sign.
If your partner is emotionally volatile and shouts to intimidate you, you probably won't feel safe in the relationship. Threats to your life or your body can create fear—whether they're empty or not. No threat should be taken lightly. Even if your spouse tells you they're only joking, there shouldn't be concerns about your safety in a healthy relationship. It's especially important to take a threat seriously if it causes you to change your behavior or feel on guard.
If your spouse loses their temper, do they blame you for their actions or subsequent behavior? This is called victim-blaming, and it's a sign of verbal abuse frequently associated with narcissistic personalities. The reasons or excuses they describe may be intentionally convoluted to confuse you, resulting in your apologies for their actions. They may then be overly affectionate to make you believe that they never really hurt you. When your spouse refuses to discuss issues that upset you, they might be avoiding responsibility.
Conversations about actions and words that hurt you are ended, and issues that reflect poorly on their behavior are dismissed. This is also a form of gaslighting : Concerns are ignored, and your partner insists that certain events "didn't happen" or you're remembering things wrong.
Gaslighting can make you question your own reality, leading back to a cycle of victim-blaming. The persistent, and intense, use of threatening words may lead you to do things or act in ways you find uncomfortable. This form of verbal abuse is common at the end of a marriage. If your spouse doesn't want a divorce, they'll say whatever it takes to play on your emotions and keep you in the marriage.
It's an attempt to make you comply with their desires—regardless of what's best for you as an individual. After all, they are being defined by a verbally abusive person. If verbal abuse occurs in a dating relationship, it can be particularly confusing because the partner may not be abusive all of the time and their behavior likely emerged slowly over time. Verbal abuse can be insidious and subtle.
As a result, when the abuser is loving and gentle, the victim can forget about the negative behavior. Ultimately, the victim ends up ignoring the pattern of verbal abuse or makes excuses for the behavior, saying that the abuser is just stressed or going through a tough time right now.
When someone is being verbally abused, the person attacking them may use overt forms of abuse like engaging in name-calling and making threats, but also more insidious methods like gaslighting or constantly correcting, interrupting, putting down, and demeaning them. Even prolonged silent treatment is a form of verbal abuse. When this happens, the person is attempting to control and punish the victim by refusing to talk to the other person.
For some people, especially those who either experience verbal abuse in the home or experienced it as a child, it can often be overlooked because the verbal assaults feel like a normal way to communicate.
But they are anything but normal and can have lasting consequences. Verbal abuse can take a number of different forms, including:. While not an exhaustive list, these are a few examples of the common types of verbal abuse that can occur. Verbal abuse can impact every element of life, including academic performance, relationships, and success at work later in life.
Just like any other form of abuse or bullying, verbal abuse has both short- and long-term consequences, including the following mental health problems:. When verbal abuse is particularly severe, it can impact whether or not people can see themselves as being successful in any area of life. Those who experience verbal abuse as children may experience feelings of worthlessness, difficulty trusting others, and problems regulating their emotions as adults. A number of studies have shown that children who are verbally abused, either at home or by their peers at school, are at a greater risk for depression and anxiety as adults.
When it comes to verbal abuse, victims often question whether or not what they are experiencing is truly abusive. They also wonder whether or not it is a big deal.
Here are some signs that a family member, friend, peer, or dating partner is verbally abusive. The first step in dealing with verbal abuse is to recognize the abuse. If you were able to identify any type of verbal abuse in your relationship, it's important to acknowledge that first and foremost.
By being honest about what you are experiencing, you can begin to take steps to gain back control. Arguments that always resort to yelling and the use of aggressive phrases in a conversation are all signs that your communication with your partner is anything but healthy. In a healthy relationship , partners step away from an argument or try to talk through the issue. In a verbally abusive relationship, the abuser will yell until they get what they want.
It can start off funny, which is why it often goes undetected, but over time condescension becomes belittling. Sometimes it can be easy to spot a controlling personality , especially when someone continuously pushes their partner to do and say things they are not always comfortable with. Manipulation, on the other hand, can be more difficult to detect.
It can be subtle , like turning situations around and putting the blame on the abused partner. However, constant criticism and belittling of a significant other are NOT healthy, and over time can lead to a significant loss of self-esteem.
I can always count on you to ruin our nights out! Keep reading to learn more about verbal abuse, including the different types, how to recognize it, the relationships and environments it can affect, and how to face it.
Verbal abuse is a form of emotional abuse in which a person uses words or threats to gain or maintain power and control over someone. Being on the receiving end of verbal abuse can cause a person to question their own intelligence, value, or self-worth. Verbal abuse normally occurs when two people are alone, or when others cannot see or stop the abuse. Verbal abuse can occur in any kind of relationship, and it is generally a calculating, insidious process that intensifies over time.
Sometimes, there may be no warning signs. Once it begins, it tends to become a common form of communication in the relationship. Verbal abuse may also accompany or progress toward other kinds of emotional or psychical abuse. Verbal abuse exists in several forms. However, it can be harder to spot than other types of abuse because it leaves no visible signs of damage and can be very subtle.
In many cases, perpetrators of verbal abuse will raise or recondition the other person. This may lead to the person on the receiving end believing that these behaviors are normal, which may also make it difficult to recognize.
Discounting can therefore cause someone to question their own version of reality and be unsure of whether what they feel is right or wrong. It may also involve gaslighting, wherein the perpetrator denies events or describes them in a way so different to reality that the person on the receiving end starts to think that they are losing their memory or their mind. Blaming as a form of abuse may manifest in one of several ways. This type of verbal abuse involves someone calling someone else names that are negative, demeaning, or belittling, such as:.
However, in verbally abuse relationships, arguments or disagreements usually progress toward shouting and involve aggressive comments. Withholding occurs when someone refuses to share their thoughts, feelings, or important or personal information with another, often in order to gain more attention.
Manipulation occurs when a person repeatedly puts pressure onto someone else, often subtly. This, they may feel, allows them to order someone to do something without directly staying it. Threats are a more direct form of verbal abuse. False accusations occur when a person repeatedly accuses someone of things they did not do.
The perpetrator may also bring up situations that were resolved a long time ago.
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